It isn't my fault I love these people ...

I have just read my previous post, and something a little odd stuck me.... I profess to 'loving' my patients and my team. Mostly.

Now, my nearest and dearest would be spluttering with disbelief if they were to read this. Those who dare to ask if I have had a good day at work are usually met with a mouthful of profanities, followed by a diatribe of who did/said what, what I thought of them and what I wished I could do or say to them, if only I could get away with it.

However, it seems that over time, I have found that to get through the day without having a grievance taken out against me, that I have moderated my behaviour.  Thinking about this, it is really difficult to change any trait of your personality without a mindshift.  Fair enough, I have had my fair share of rubbish managers who taught me how NOT to behave and what NOT to say to get the best out of people. I have had far fewer positive role models but, of those I would put into this category, the qualities I most admire are having the ability to say what they really need to say, get the result that they want and leave the recipient with a nice warm ready-brek glow or, at worst, a feeling of slight disbelief and bewilderment at how this person has just got them to agree to what they did. This is more commonly known as manipulation, and I love it.  My professed fascination with manipulation through the use of linguistics and body language has staved off many critics who dare comment about my 'Big Brother' habit. In fact, to this day, my husband still thinks that watching Big Brother was deemed as essential by the course leader when I was studying for my MSc.  Now I just watch it for revision purposes!

I wake up most mornings, press the snooze button 4 or 5 times, and only drag myself out of bed to feed the cat, who by this point is sat on my chest and trying to gouge my eye out in his quest to drag me to his empty bowl.  On the way to the kitchen I have a quick think about what the day ahead holds, and more often than not wish I hadn't bothered.  I run through the list of reasons why I cannot possibly go to work, and if I do go, what reason can I give for leaving early.  This is where professional nurse starts whispering in the ear of the lazy slob who would rather stay at home and watch 60 minute make-over.  "Remember what Paul* says, remember to be positive..."

Paul is a nurse and independent trainer who delivers some training events for the PCT.  Most training and education events are usually an opportunity for me to write my shopping list, do the off-duty, or just sing in my head.  But Paul's sessions are always good.  He knows what he is talking about for a start, has some pretty good anecdotes, and is a down to earth guy who remembers where he came from.  Plus he doesn't drag his sessions out so I am always guaranteed an early finish!
Several years ago I attended a series of sessions on neurolinguistic programming.  I arrived on the first morning in a foul mood.  I was late after sitting in my car on the car park, (a.k.a. the motorway), for almost two hours, in torrential rain, with no fags and a radio that wouldnt work.  During the coffee break I was chatting to Paul, and apologised for being late, explaining the reason why.
"Oh, what a great opportunity to get some time to yourself to just think, do a bit of people watching, and have a little bit of peace and quiet" he said.
"Weirdo" I thought.
Nevertheless, on the way home, sat on the motorway, in the rain, ... you get the picture....., I got to thinking how less stressful life must be if you can resign yourself to shit happening and find something positive from the situation.   In fact, by the time I arrived home I had decided that I would get some bottles of water, emergency fags and put some music on my mobile for next time it happened.  I had written my shopping list (in the dust on my dashboard), and mentally written the difficult report sitting in my in-tray.  Plus, I discovered how to work bluetooth and spent a good deal of time surveying my fellow motorists trying to work out who was 'Hot and Horny'.

So by the time I arrived home, and my beloved asked how my day was, I found myself replying "Oh, I had a really good day, let me tell you all about..."
(This didn't last - I couldn't cope with his bewildered looks, and the cats hate skipping).

I thought about this a great deal, and really tried to practice finding the good out of the truly horrible, especially at work, and on most days it really does work.  However, I do a have a vague recollection of Paul touching my shoulder and holding my gaze for slightly longer than necessary during that chat............ he changed my thought processes with the clever use of linguistics, or, as I tell my friends, I was manipulated and didn't even realise it!